“It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it.” We’ve all heard that, haven’t we? It’s true: when we speak to someone, nearly half the impression they obtain from the communication (about 45%) derives from the tone and inflection of our speech. A relatively small amount (about 7-10%) is conveyed by the actual words we use. (The remainder is visual: facial expression, gestures, body language and so on.)

That’s one factor that makes writing different from speaking. When you read something, almost all of the meaning is carried by the words, because there isn’t any vocal character or visual aid (unless there are illustrations) to help in the interpretation. Writers tend to be more selective about their words than speakers for exactly that reason. The speaker has other tools with which to work.

Other spoken languages take advantage of this more adeptly than English does. Most of the Far Eastern tongues—Mandarin, Cantonese and Japanese, to name a few—rely on vocal inflection and tone to distinguish words from each other. The same set of sounds in these languages may mean one thing if uttered, say, with a rising pitch, and something different if spoken with a descending tone. That’s why these languages are written pictographically rather than alphabetically. A phonetic spelling is insufficient to indicate what the words mean.

The Scriptures caution us about how we say what we say. Solomon offered these sage and inspired observations: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness” (Proverbs 15:1-2). No one wants to listen to someone who speaks harshly or hurtfully, even when he or she is correct.

It is scarcely to our advantage if we teach the truth in a way that does not encourage listening. Peter wrote, “Always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15). We Christians sometimes employ the first part of the apostle’s admonition with little regard for the latter portion.

Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that a meekly spoken response is necessarily indicative of spiritual or doctrinal weakness—or worse, of cowardice. We’d have to argue that point with Jesus, who frequently employed the gentlest of techniques to teach great lessons (John 8:1-11; Matthew 27:11-14; cf. 1 Peter 2:21-23). We’d also have to argue with Paul, who counseled Timothy, “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition” (2 Timothy 2:24-25).

Describing the preaching of the gospel, Paul said, “we persuade men” (2 Corinthians 5:11). Most of us know from experience that we aren’t easily persuaded by angry words or a biting, sarcastic tone. I often read exchanges between brethren on various issues that make me wonder how they expect to persuade one another of the truth of God’s word by hurling invective back and forth. We can maintain a Christ-like manner in our teaching without compromising the truth, and we can “contend earnestly for the faith” (Jude 3) without resorting to name-calling and vitriol. We’ll find our position infinitely more persuasive for our having done so.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver; like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear” (Proverbs 25:11-12). We must always be genuine in what we say regarding the teachings of the Bible. We must also be cautious about the way we say what we say. We can have all the right words, but lose the hearer because we don’t employ the proper tone. “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one” (Colossians 4:6).