Forgiveness is a difficult concept for many to grasp. One reason some struggle to accept God’s terms for forgiveness and pardon is their lack of understanding of what forgiveness really is — a defining characteristic of a relationship between two parties. Let’s look at the components of this vital interaction.

Before there can be forgiveness — or even a need for forgiveness — there must first be transgression, a violation of law or command, or a breaching of boundaries. The Bible often calls transgression against God “sin.”

It’s important that we recognize that transgression must precede forgiveness, because it is one’s transgressions or sins that make forgiveness necessary. This is why infants and young children have no need for baptism, contrary to the teaching of many religious denominations. A child who yet lacks the capacity to understand laws and commands and boundaries has no culpability toward these. Nor is any individual held guilty of the sins of prior generations, as the Bible plainly states (Ezekiel 18:20; 2 Chronicles 25:4). It is when we can understand what is right, but choose to do otherwise, that we sin (James 4:17).

Once one has transgressed, before forgiveness can occur there must now come a recognition of the error, an experience of sorrow for it, and a repudiation of the wrongdoing. The Bible calls this process repentance. The teaching of Jesus makes the importance of repentance clear: “Unless you repent, you will all likewise perish” (Luke 13:3, 5). As Jesus commanded (Luke 24:47), His apostles made repentance a prerequisite to the receipt of forgiveness: “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins” (Acts 2:38); and again, “Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out” (Acts 3:19).

No sin can be forgiven without repentance, even in the presence of the most forgiving of spirits: “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). Notice that God desires all to be saved lest they perish (1 Timothy 2:4), but only those who repent will in fact reap the benefit of His grace.

Repentance must be evidenced by confession, an acknowledgment of wrong and pledge to mend the errant way: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). A striking example of confession can be found in the 51st Psalm, where David, convicted of his sins involving Bathsheba and her husband Uriah, poured out his heart to God: “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me” (Psalm 51:1-3).

Finally, forgiveness requires a new path. Not every wrong can be undone, so restitution is not always possible. The murderer cannot restore life; the adulterer or abuser cannot fully restore trust; the speaker of hurtful words cannot render them unspoken. God does not demand that we do what we are unable to do, but rather says to us, as did Jesus to the woman caught in adultery, “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11; see also John 5:14). Paul offered this practical example: “Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need” (Ephesians 4:28).

For the one who has never obtained the forgiveness of God through Jesus Christ, the new path begins in baptism: “Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life” (Romans 6:4). It is by this means that one obtains access to God’s grace, wherein lies the remission — forgiveness — of sins (Acts 2:38). As we continue on the path of righteousness, the blood of Jesus continues to cleanse us from sin (1 John 1:7).

All forgiveness, including that we are required to render to one another (Matthew 18:22; Luke 11:4; Mark 11:25; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13), follows this same pattern of requirements. When transgression occurs, the sinner must repent, confess, and begin a path of change before forgiveness can be offered. Even God forgives none who demonstrate no genuine, righteous desire to obtain forgiveness.

That’s a good thing for all of us to remember, for the next time we sin.